The Hyper responsibility trap.
Have you seen the joke flying around the Internet; its CDO because that's how the letters are supposed to be anyway? A play on words with OCD but you get it.
(BTW I am not a medical professional and these are my rambling thoughts no medical advice contained within.)
I am just noticing in our rush rush rush and hurry hurry hurry world that many of us are taking on too much. Too much, running, errands, responsibility, meetings, sports for kids, lessons for kids you name it.
WHY?
There is a tag line for this: hyper responsibility.
An inflated sense of responsibility. One with this trait believes they have more control over things in the world than they actually have.
I get it.
I am a mother.
Mother's juggle plates and balls with amazing ability and coordination.
WHY?
I can tell you why I did a lot of juggling, because I wanted to avoid trouble at all cost.
No mistakes, no being late, right outfits all the books and papers and equipment in my little darlings hands.
Its exhausting.
And guess what? Watching someone else be hyper responsible
is exhausting.
Then about the kids;
If the kid shows up to P.E. with no tennis shoes, so be it, let said kid take the consequence.
Run out of gas because you were pushing the limit - well there is a natural consequence for that.
My parents loved me, no doubt. But I knew my books my papers were my responsibility.
There were no midnight runs to anywhere for the poster board I forgot. Guess what? I darn well did not mess that up.
And let me say this, my parents led true adult lives. They were not overly concerned with mine. They went out or had friends over for dinner, played cards with their friends and we kids figured out a way to make our own entertainment because for those few hours our parents were adults.
I am proud of my parents.
High school;
I was home at curfew? Why? If I ever wanted to leave my house again I better be home by curfew. My parents did not indulge me with more activity without my taking responsibility for my actions. That was not going to happen.
If I put things in my control then I have a handle on life right?
I won't hurt anyone and I won't contribute to the problems of the world.
Man that is a lot of responsibility to put on one homeschooling moms shoulders.
And guess what?
You and I cannot control the world anyway.
Did you hear me?
You and I cannot control the world.
So what have I learned oh a mere 30 years out.
If I give others control then they will learn (your kids WILL eventually wash their tennis outfits, not lose their lunch money or their retainer) if you give them responsibility for their own things, projects and spaces.
I can control very few things in my world but gosh I need to manage what's actually in my control with gusto but the rest of it, I gotta let go. Let the kids learn and make mistakes. Let the PTA run a lunch or meeting without you. We are filling our brains with so much
make sure that what is in there
belongs to you.
Sometimes that means drawing a boundary. Just say no!
Sometimes that means creating a space and allowing margin for self care.
Sometimes that means passing the baton and letting someone else run their best race.
If you struggle here in responsibility land,
if you lessen your responsibility for the world or rather the feeling or compulsion for the responsibility of the world
actually
you can make a greater contribution to the world.
How?
Operate in your sweet spot. Put your gifts and talents to use in your sphere of influence. But how the line runs at Wal-Mart or the traffic on the interstate or gosh golly the political stage of the good ole USA is not my or your responsibility. (Vote- sure- but you get what I mean.)
You are worth it
Don't burn out because you are taking on too much responsibility.
Relax
Enjoy things.
Each of us have to run our own race.
Push others to take up their own batons.
You are worth it.
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